


When Tom Needed Him

by Calliope Starling (CitrusApple)



Category: British Actor RPF, Marvel Avengers Movies RPF
Genre: Angst, Death, Feels, Grief/Mourning, Loki Angst, Loss, M/M, Oh god so many feels, Sad, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-14 16:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1273447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CitrusApple/pseuds/Calliope%20Starling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a death in Tom's family. Tom needs Loki's support more than ever, but Loki doesn't know how to react.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Tom Needed Him

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dear readers, and lovely fans of Tom Hiddleston!
> 
> This is, as you may have guessed by the summary, not a happy story. I actually made myself feel a little angry while I was writing this. There are a lot of feels.
> 
> As for Tom's family, I'm sure they are all lovely people. I just wrote them in this way for the purpose of the storyline.

Loki was bored. Soooo bored.

Tom was late getting home. Not like there had been a set time, as he was just out running a few errands on a day off. But he was taking longer than Loki’s attention span approved of.

All the books on Tom’s shelves had been read, some more than once, at one point or another. Quite impressive a feat, that, as Tom had a collection to rival that of some of the world’s literary experts.

Nothing was on the telly, as per usual. All those channels and still nothing to watch… how sad.

Loki had laid himself down on the couch. He traced runes and other random patterns in the air, the colored remnants of magic lingering for a bit as if he’d been playing with a sparkler. He was trying to bide his time as he waited for Tom to return. Loki had planned to conjure up dinner for the two of them, unless Tom decided to bring something home. He also wanted them to take a walk through the park, or maybe watch a movie.

The door suddenly clicked open and startled Loki out of his inner mumblings. _Fucking finally._ He waved a hand to clear the air above him of his magicked patterns, and sat up. He started to get up to greet Tom, but stopped himself halfway when he heard that Tom was talking to someone. Loki wondered if he’d invited someone over for dinner or something, but ruled that out and sat back down when he heard only Tom’s voice coming from the foyer.

Speaking of Tom’s voice, what was wrong with it? Loki’s brow furrowed as he tried to listen in closer. The foyer was too far for him to make out much of what Tom was saying – something about a cemetery, maybe flowers – but Loki could hear that Tom’s voice sounded a bit hoarse, almost raw on some words. And quieter… definitely quieter. Oh, no. Was the mortal getting a cold or something again? Bloody hell. Mortals were always such whiners when minor illnesses inflicted them.

Loki finally got up and crept over to the living room wall to peek around the corner into the foyer to get a look at Tom. He had his back turned to Loki and was leaning up against the door, propped up by one arm while his other held his cell phone to his ear. There were no bags on the floor by him, so he hadn’t brought home anything for dinner. That was fine by Loki. Who needed to bring food home from the grocery store when you could just snap your fingers and have a gourmet feast appear instantly? Well, Tom did. He insisted on doing everything as he had before the two had met, though he did allow Loki to help out in his own way.

Tom finally ended the call and slipped his phone back in his pocket. Then he put a hand to his face and sniffled.

Oh, bollocks. He was sick. Loki started making a mental note to magic tissues and cough syrup over to Tom’s nightstand when Tom turned around and finally noticed him standing there.

“L- Loki…” Tom choked out, leaning back against the door.

Loki’s eyes flew open wide. Tom’s eyes were slightly bloodshot, and a bit puffy. The surrounding skin looked ruddy and moist. One big, wet spark glistened at the bottom of each iris. His thin lips were trembling, and his efforts to purse them weren’t helping.

Loki had never seen Tom like this before. He was usually very composed, only ever getting a little misty-eyed at happy things… like when a large group of fans cheered him on after a performance, or when he attended weddings.

But this time, Tom looked absolutely _broken._ And Loki felt like his heart was being torn asunder at the sight of it all.

“Thomas?” Loki spoke gently. “What is going on?”

Tom tried to choke out a reply, but all that came out were broken sobs as he slumped back against the door and let himself slide down to the floor, unable to even handle standing up.

Loki rushed to his side. “Thomas! Who has done this to you?! Who has put you in this state?!” He snarled and summoned his scepter out of nowhere. “Give me their names now, so I can **end** **them**!”

Normally, Tom would have laughed at Loki’s vehemence. It broke Loki’s heart further when he didn’t.

“It’s… nothing like that, Loki.” Tom muttered, wiping at his eyes.

Loki sighed with relief and made his scepter vanish. “Then what is it?”

“M-m-m-Mum.” Tom stammered. “She… she passed.” He looked up at Loki, awaiting a response, but there wasn’t one, so he forced himself to continue. “It was sudden. No warning. She had a brain aneurysm that was undetected.”

Loki swallowed, suddenly nervous over not knowing what to say. _Nicknamed “Silvertongue” and I can’t even figure out how to console my own lover_ he thought. He finally said “I’m sorry, Thomas” because he knew enough to say that when a mortal told you someone they knew had died.

“It happened two days ago.” Tom said, suddenly becoming irritated. “My family didn’t even tell me because they knew I’d be on set and wanted to wait for my day off. The funeral is tomorrow, and my sisters have pretty much gotten everything set up. I hate that they assume I’m always completely unavailable.” He started crying again.

Loki sighed. “Come on, my heart” he said, picking up Tom and carrying him bridal style up the stairs and to their bedroom. It was a small comfort, but it meant everything to Tom in that moment, and he wrapped his arms tightly around Loki’s neck as he was carried.

When they arrived in the bedroom, Loki set Tom down gently on their bed. A wave of his hand saw Tom suddenly dressed in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. Loki then sat on the bed and pulled Tom to him, running his hand through his soft curls as Tom buried his face in his shoulder and wept.

Tom clung tighter when Loki kissed the top of his head and started rubbing his back. After a while, Tom finally calmed down and Loki silently thanked the Norns as he pulled Tom’s head back a little so he could gently wipe away the tracks of Tom’s tears with his fingertips.

“The funeral is being held in Oxford.” Tom said. “We’ll have to leave early tomorrow morning. I’d like to be there a few hours before it starts to help out… if there’s anything left to do, that is.”

“We? Why would I go? I didn’t know her.” Loki questioned innocently. Well, as innocent as Loki got, anyway.

Tom raised his head to give Loki an incredulous look. In all other circumstances, Tom understood that Loki did not understand a lot of “Midgardian” customs and human emotions. But in this situation, all the spaces in his brain that held patience and understanding had been invaded by grief.

“Why would you go? I don’t know, maybe because you’re my significant other and I need your support?” Tom snapped.

Loki narrowed his eyes a bit. He was a bit put off by Tom’s tone, as he honestly didn’t think he’d said anything wrong.

Tom sighed and pulled away a bit. “Look, Loki. I’m sorry I never introduced you to her in person. Just trying to explain everything was a nightmare in itself without trying to have her meet you too soon… if that’s what you’re upset about. I also realize you’ve never lost anyone who you genuinely cared for. But imagine what you’d feel like if someone close to you died. Think of how it would affect your family if Odin died.”

“Are you serious?” Loki snarled.

“Alright, bad example. But what if Thor died? Your own brother?”

“He is **not** my brother.”

“But he’s… argh. Forget that. What of your mother, Loki? What of Frigga?”

There was an awkward pause until Loki finally responded “She is not my mother.”

And that did it.

“Oh my GOD! F-Fucking HELL, Loki!” Tom shouted, which made Loki flinch. Tom never yelled. Ever. “Do you feel nothing at all?! Do you care for anyone at all?!”

Loki was hurt by that accusation. He looked at Tom with a wounded expression. “I care for you, Thomas. More than anything.” Loki said shakily. He tried to take Tom’s hand, but Tom pulled it away.

“I really don’t think you do. If you did, you’d understand why I need you there.” Tom said with venom in his voice.

Loki felt himself starting to lose control of the situation, and his emotions – something that only ever happened with Tom. But he was a god. He couldn’t have such feelings, or at least let them be seen by others. He needed to get out of there. He couldn’t let Tom see him that way.

“I can’t go anyway. I’m busy.”

“You’re busy.” Tom mocked, voice dripping with sarcasm. “With what, pray tell? Knocking schoolchildren off their bicycles? Putting flies in customers’ soup at restaurants? Starting another world war?”

“I have business in Asgard.” Loki said through clenched teeth.

“But you hate everyone there! …Oh. But you hate everyone here, too. My mistake.” Tom bit back.

Loki stood and his face remained neutral, but the anger was evident in his voice. “You’re absolutely right, Thomas. I am completely incapable of caring for anyone but myself. So that’s what I will be busy doing tomorrow. Caring for myself.” Then he vanished.

“Loki! Dammit, no! Get back here!” Tom cried out, desperately reaching out and grasping at the air in front of him, hoping Loki had merely turned himself invisible. When Loki turned invisible, it was just because he didn’t want to be bothered for a few hours. But if he’d vanished, there was no telling when he’d be back.

Tom’s lip started trembling again. He gripped the edge of the mattress so hard his knuckles turned white. His head hung and he clenched his teeth, trying not to scream out his frustrations.

Large, warm tears started dripping from his eyes, and splattered on the floor by his feet. Tom sucked in a few quick breaths, and then began sobbing heavily. He let himself fall to his side onto the mattress and rolled over to face the other side of the bed. Drawing his knees up to his chest, he settled his head in the space between the pillows and cried loudly, the sheet below his face dampening quickly.

When he sniffled, he smelled Loki. He opened his eyes, expecting to see him, but he broke even further when he realized it was only Loki’s pillow that bore his distinctive scent.

Tom let out a loud, harsh growl, grabbed Loki’s pillow, and threw it hard. It only got as far as Loki’s nightstand as it collided with the lamp. The lamp tipped over and shattered as its delicate glass hit the ground, and the pillow simply flopped back onto the bed.

Startled, Tom stared at the pillow, breathing hard. But it didn’t take long before he began sobbing again, impossibly louder. He grabbed Loki’s pillow and clutched it tightly to his chest, muffling his cries with it.

He wept for a few hours before finally exhausting himself enough to fall asleep.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Loki had, in fact, vanished. He’d only teleported himself downstairs to the living room, at first, having meant to stay there for a little while to collect his thoughts. But he couldn’t take listening to Tom’s sobs anymore. It was too heart-wrenching a sound. He transported himself to the park, appearing on a random bench. The little boy that had been standing near the bench playing with a yo-yo was so scared that he pissed himself and ran off crying to his mother about the mean man who just appeared.

Bonus.

He allowed himself to revel in that moment for a few minutes before turning his thoughts back to Tom. He pondered over what Tom had said, and tried to understand why it had upset him so much.

Part of it was true. Loki had not really cared for many people. He forced himself to admit he cared a little about Thor, but those were deep feelings. Way down deep.

Odin? Well. Fuck him.

Frigga? He sighed. He’d told Tom she wasn’t his mother, which was technically true, but she was the closest he would ever have. She was also the only one in all of Asgard who he felt had shown unconditional love for him. Even when all he did was prank, trick, and cause mischief and chaos.

It finally clicked in Loki’s head. That’s what must have upset Tom. Tom had just lost his real mother, and Loki had put down Frigga (who Tom would argue was Loki’s real mother in every other sense) in front of him. Probably at the worst possible time. Okay, definitely at the worst possible time.

He knew what he needed to do now. He vanished again, hearing a shriek from a woman that was walking past him right before he’d left completely.

Double bonus.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Tom arrived in Oxford about forty-five minutes before the funeral was to start. He’d wanted to get there three hours early, but he had slept so deeply after his sobbing session that he never woke up at any point for a chance to set his alarm.

When he walked into the funeral parlor, he saw that other guests had already arrived and were doing their visitation. That upset him even more. He wanted to be there to talk with his family before others arrived.

He was first greeted by his father with an awkward handshake.

“Tom” James said with a nod.

“Hello, Dad.”

“I expected you here sooner.”

“Ah, yes. Sorry. I um… I sort of fell asleep suddenly and forgot to set my alarm.”

James gave Tom a disappointed look and shook his head slightly. Tom winced at that. “Your sisters are up front” he said before walking away.

Tom gritted his teeth for a second before making his way towards his sisters, who were standing in the aisle between the rows of chairs.

Sarah and Emma both teared up when they saw Tom, and they ran to embrace him at the same time. Tom managed to stay strong in front of them.

“What can I do to help?” Tom asked.

“Everything’s done” Emma replied.

“You know you could have called me. Why didn’t you? I could and would have dropped everything.”

“We didn’t want to interrupt your filming.” Sarah answered.

“Bullshit.” Tom said, a little louder than intended. A couple of heads turned, and he had to bite his lip to prevent himself from sneering at those people.

“Tom. That’s all there is to it. Really.” Sarah coaxed.

“Right. Great.” Tom snipped back.

Emma decided to chime in to break the tension. “So, um, our seats are up front here.” She took Tom’s hand and led him to the front row of seats, and Sarah followed. “Dad will sit here, then Sarah, then me. You’ll sit next to me, and this last seat is for your boyfriend. Speaking of which, where is this Loki guy you told us about? I’ve been anxious to meet him, but he’s managed to avoid every other family function, it seems.” Emma giggled a little, trying to lighten the mood.

Tom’s face fell, though it didn’t have much further to go. “He’s not coming. He has… business that he can’t get away from.” For such a great actor, Tom was doing a rather crap job of hiding how he really felt.

Emma grimaced, immediately feeling embarrassed that she’d failed horribly at lightening the mood and was just making things more awkward.

Sarah put an arm around Emma’s shoulder. “Not your fault, sweetie.” Emma returned her hug, sniffled, and looked over her shoulder.

Tom turned to follow her gaze, finally allowing himself to get a look at the casket. It was open, which he wasn’t expecting. His lip started trembling again when he saw his mother. She was in her favourite dress, and in her hand was a small bouquet of petunias – her favourite flower.

“P-Petunias.” Tom stammered.

“Yes, they’re lovely.” Sarah replied. “But it’s the strangest thing. None of us know who put them there. The parlor staff members we’ve had a chance to ask said they didn’t do it. But it must have been one of them. I wonder how they got them. We checked every flower shop on the way here. None of them had any.”

Emma suddenly sniffled, and it was apparent she hadn’t even been listening to their conversation about the flowers. “I’m sorry for bringing Loki up, Tom.”

“Em… I told you. It’s not your fault. Is it, Tom?” Sarah gave him a look.

Tom froze as it all hit him hard at once. His mum was dead. Loki wasn’t there to support him. He couldn’t take it.

“Of course not.” Tom finally choked out, feeling himself starting to break again. No. Not in front of his sisters. “I um… need a moment. Excuse me.”

Tom bolted out of the main room and back into the hall. He noticed all sorts of goings-on down the corridor to the right, so he turned to the left. There was a door leading to a private room with some chairs and couches, so Tom went in and shut the door behind him. Not seeing a way to lock the door, he decided to push one of the chairs in front of it in case someone tried to walk in.

He sat on the nearest couch and slumped forward, covering his face with his hands as he cried as silently as he could. Feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and hopelessness all coursed through his veins.

When he lifted his head after a few minutes, there was a pale hand in front of his face holding out a dark green handkerchief.

“What the…?!” Tom startled. Even though he was sitting down, he managed to almost lose his balance. He stood up, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw that it was Loki. Tom stared at him, breathing hard, and started shaking his head. He didn’t know whether he wanted to hit him or hug him.

Loki raised his free hand to cup Tom’s cheek, and ever so gently wiped the tears from Tom’s face with the handkerchief. “I’m sorry I startled you, Thomas. I was going to use the door like a, well, a Midgardian, but you put a chair in front of it.”

“How did you know where it was? I never got a chance to tell you.” Tom asked, his breathing calming down.

“All I had to go on was Oxford. I sort of had to pop in to several funeral parlors before I found the right one.”

“Loki, you didn’t…”

“I was invisible, Thomas. Except for one. I sort of forgot to re-cast that spell before entering one of them and scared the living daylights out of a group of elderly women who were at a wake for a friend of theirs. They all started hitting me with their purses. What some of them keep in those things, I’ll never know.”

Tom laughed, hearty and genuine, and Loki beamed.

“There’s the Thomas I know.” Loki smiled. Then he put the handkerchief back in his pocket, took Tom’s hands, and looked him right in the eyes. “I thought about what you said, and why you were upset. I’m sorry I said those things, and I realize now that I didn’t even mean them. I may not know what you’re going through, and I may not understand many things in this realm. But you are the one bright star in my extensive life, and I promise that I will try harder. For you, Thomas. Only for you.

Tom pulled Loki into a tight hug and started to cry again.

“Are those happy or sad tears, Thomas?”

“Both.”

Loki kissed Tom’s forehead and put an arm around his waist. “Come on. Time to pay our respects, yes?” Loki took his other hand and brushed a couple stray tears of Tom’s off the shoulder of his suit coat.

“I’m so sorry, Loki.” Tom said, trying to help dry off the little spot.

“Dammit, Thomas. If there was ever a time where you really needn’t be sorry, I think this is it.” Loki pinched his cheek a little.

“Ow. Sorry.”

“That didn’t hurt. And did you seriously just apologize because I pinched you?”

“No, I apologized for apologi – oh, bloody hell.” Tom facepalmed himself.

“Loki’d.” Loki whispered, glad he was able to calm Tom down again as they walked into the parlor together.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Loki and Tom got into bed immediately after arriving home that evening. Loki switched off the newly fixed (by magic, of course) lamp on his nightstand. Then he pulled the soft blankets over them and wrapped Tom up in his arms.

“Try and get some sleep now, Thomas. You’ve had a hard day.” Loki whispered into his ear, then kissed it.

“Thank you for being there for me, Loki. It means the world to me.” Tom said. After a minute, he spoke again. “There’s just one thing I’ve been wondering all day.”

“What is that, my heart?”

“The petunias that were in mum’s hand. My sisters said they don’t know where they came from. Nobody had any idea. They also said there weren’t any in the shops. I wonder who left them with her?”

“I did try to only use my powers for good today, Thomas.” Loki smirked.

“You did that? How did you know they were her favourites?”

“Believe it or not, I do listen when you ramble. Well, most of the time. I mean, how long can one tolerate being lectured about all the different types of pudding?” Loki rolled his eyes.

Tom grinned. “I love you, Loki.”

“I love you too, my Thomas. And I’m going to make sure I tell you that over and over. Every day.”

“I look forward to that, love.”

“Why wait when I can start now?” Loki nestled Tom’s head closer to him so his lips were touching Tom’s ear. “I love you, Thomas.”

“I love you, Loki.”

“I love you, Thomas.”

“I love you, Loki.”

They continued whispering it to each other until they both fell asleep mid-phrase, with Tom’s arm around Loki’s waist, and Loki’s hand over Tom’s heart.


End file.
